Goodbye Love
by quantuminferno
Summary: RENT - RogerMark. Okay, so yeah I redid the ending for the play because I was completely unsatisfied with it. The other characters show up a bit, and it's a songfic, but it's mostly just Mark and Roger angst.


Disclaimer: Please don't sue. I don't own Rent. All I own is an overactive imagination.

Summary: MarkRoger. A twist to the ending to Rent. Slash. (sucky summary, but a good story)

Warning(s): homosexual undertone; don't know what slash is? well now you do.

A/N: Gosh, if you're reading this. I am so sorry I suck at writing summaries, but what the hell else can I say? Okay, so I like the Mark/Roger relationship over the Roger and Mimi one, so if you don't like the pairing don't read it. This is my take on the ending (it's called reading too much into things and having a really overactive imagination, add a pinch of slash adoration, and this is what you get)

I've been listening to the freaking soundtrack every day, and it's finally gotten to me. So this fic is the result.

Oh, and it's a quasi songfic, but not really… imma only use the parts of the song that's somehow pertinent to the story. Go figure. Just so you have like background and all.

* * *

Goodbye love

By: quantuminferno

_**Mark**_

_December 24th, ten PM eastern standard time_

_I can't believe a year went by so fast_

_Time to see what we have time to see_

_Turn the projector on_

_First shot Roger_

_With the fender guitar he just got out of hock_

_When he sold the car_

_That took him away and back_

_  
_

/ Mark's POV /

I'm happy that Roger's back. I'm actually ecstatic, but I would never let anyone in on that secret.

Roger's parting words had hurt, but his departure had hurt me more. In all truths, I was on the verge of a breakdown before Roger returned. I was so tired and had driven myself so hard with my film that I didn't bother to take care of myself. I was acting almost like Roger. I was so sick that I wasn't able to even greet Roger when he first returned. The only thing I remember was waking up after what seemed like days of sleeping, which Roger later told me had been about a day and a half, with Roger by my side. I hate being so weak, but my feelings for Roger have been so deep for so long that I don't really know any other way to live. I need the guitarist more than I want to admit.

I also don't want to admit, that Roger hasn't needed me since he found Mimi, but Mimi was gone, and a little hope had sparked within me. I despised myself for that hope because Mimi was my friend, too. She still is, but we just haven't seen her for the longest time. No matter my feelings for Roger, I hope Mimi's okay.

She does make him happy. So, I'll remain, Mark the best friend. Mark the roommate. I might not even be that anymore. They might want to move in together.

I sigh even though I reproach myself for being so obvious about my feelings. I don't want Roger to realize anything. I sigh again. This time I don't bother to reprimand myself. Roger never realizes anything about me anyway.

_**Roger**_

_I found my song_

_**Mark**_

_He found his song_

_If he could just find Mimi_

_**Roger**_

_I tried - you know I tried_

_**Mark**_

_Fade in on Mark_

_Who's still in the dark_

_**Roger**_

_But he's got great footage_

_**Mark**_

_Which he's cut together_

_**Roger**_

_To screen tonight_

_  
_

/ Mark's POV /

I try to keep the bitterness out of my voice whenever he says he found his song. Of course the next logical step for Roger would be to find Mimi. That's all he ever talks about.

I guess I'm destined to be alone. Be alone for the rest of my life while the love of possibly my whole life goes on living happily ever after with his girlfriend. I know this fairytale. Mimi will come back and they will make up and make out, and will live happily ever after.

What fairy tale character am I? Hmm... that's easy, I'm the fucking butler that holds the fucking glass slipper that helps the prince find fucking Cinderella.

I think I need to calm down. I need to get out of this house, but I know I won't. I still don't want to leave Roger's side. Not yet at least.

I'm not really mad at Roger. He can't help the fact that I'm gay and he's not. That he's in love with someone else.

/ Roger's POV /

I finally did find my song. It was the last place I looked though, as most things in life are.

When I had left, I did see Mimi wherever I went, but it wasn't because of our relationship. Actually it was. Mimi was the remnants of the life I used to know. She reminded me so much of April in the many things she did and acted. I think I loved April, but then again, back at those times I had also loved drugs. I was grasping the past when my future was right in front of me. I didn't even realize. I left because I finally did realize that what I felt for Mimi was, well it was nothing compared to what I felt for Mark, and I panicked.

I panicked because I didn't know how to react to this new revelation. I had feelings of the sexual nature for my best friend... that's a guy. I'm not even gay.

Really, I'm not gay. Okay, so I made an exception for Mark, but in my defense, I didn't even have a clue about it until Angel had said something to me.

It was New Year's day, and I was still happily blind to my feelings towards my best friend. Angel had caught me one of the few moments that Mimi and I weren't together. I had been joking around with Mark with my arm around his shoulder. She had said something that I didn't understand at the time, "Mimi's a strong one. I'm sure she'll get over it with time."

I assumed that Angel had been talking about her addiction, but now, I think differently. I think Angel knew before I did my feelings toward Mark. I guess her gaydar functioned better than mine.

While I was away, I was resolved to start anew. I needed this new beginning and I wanted to start it with Mark. I felt my relationship with Mimi was so unresolved and I needed to clear things up with her before I could begin to even attempt to start anything with Mark. She was sort of my rebound girl and I didn't even know it. She was good for me, and I feel bad for using her. In my defense she did hit on me first though. She and I are so alike it's actually disturbing. I want to and need to help her. If she has a future, then I can begin to hope that I can have one too. So, it's been the forefront of my thoughts to find her and make sure that she's still okay. We didn't leave on such good terms, and though things have changed, I still hope we can be friends. I did truly love her at one point, and I did say things I could possibly not have a chance to take back.

The whole sad part of this is that I don't even think Mark is gay, despite the jokes he gets from people. He's had it pretty hard himself. He turned his girlfriend into a lesbian, and hell, he turned his best friend into a homosexual. I'm beginning to see a trend. I think I'm actually in love with Mark. Mark, my best friend.

When I first entered the apartment after returning, I found my Mark in bed looking so tired with a fever.

He must have been really sick and delusional for when I placed my hand upon his head to feel his temperature, he pulled me downward so I fell on him. He was surprisingly strong for someone with such a high temperature, and he wasn't letting me go. He was trying to keep me in bed with him, and even though I had come back to New York in order to start doing more things like that with Mark, I didn't want to begin a relationship with him that way. He was different than everyone else I'd been with.

Tempting as it was, I just couldn't. He was still my best friend. While I was struggling to free myself from his grasp and back a decent distance, he murmured something that sounded like my name and I froze.

I strained my ears to hear him say it again so I could be certain, but he must have been cold because he hugged me closer to him.

I looked at his face and knew I couldn't just leave him in bed. So I gathered him in my arms and just held him. I was not going to have Mark freeze to death just because I was afraid to hold him. I held him as close to me as possible and could feel his high temperature. The loft was always so cold. I considered starting a fire to get some heat, but then that would have involved me leaving Mark by himself. I immediately decided against that idea. As I held him, he snuggled closer; it felt nice in that position, I actually wanted time to stop at that moment.

I smacked myself mentally when I began to think of other ways to help him sweat the sickness off, but I really couldn't help myself. Since I couldn't do anything physically, my mind was working double time.

It was the best welcome home I ever had. Too bad he doesn't even remember.

I wonder what's wrong with him after I hear him sigh again. I hope he isn't sad that I'm back. He had said he was overjoyed, but something in his eyes said differently. I don't know.

I just want to make sure Mimi's okay, and move on with my life. All the other things I've left undone have come back to bite me in the ass. I just hope that if I don't find her, I can move on without any worries of her coming back and try to kill Mark or something. Okay... I'm just over reacting now.

I can't wait to see his film. I think it's going to hurt though. Too many memories, too many mistakes made in this past year. I grin as I see me as the first shot in "Today 4 U: Proof Positive". A lot has changed since that time; not that much as I look down at my guitar in place like it should be. Mark looks a lot more healthier back then too. I wonder why I hadn't noticed that before.

_**ROGER**_

_Then again, maybe we won't screen it tonight._

_**MARK**_

_I wonder how Alison found out about Mimi?_

_**ROGER**_

_Maybe a little bird told her._

_  
_

/ Mark's POV /

That's just great. Of all the things to happen. I can't even have the small satisfaction of watching the one thing that will probably make this night a whole lot easier for me. It would have been like going to the movies with Roger, actually it's more like staying in and watching a movie with Roger. It's like our first date. I've kept myself locked practically in my room in order to have this film done, and now I can't even watch it. I guess I wanted my Christmas wish to come true. It's Christmas eve, and just like last year, I'm wishing for the same thing. I'm wishing two things actually, and unfortunately the one wish requires Mimi.

I keep wishing that Santa Claus will bring something that will keep Roger happy. I was so worried about him after April died, after he found out about the AIDS. He's had it rough and that just made matters worse.

/ Roger's POV /

Well, it seems that hasn't changed either. I don't know whether I should be happy or sad that I won't be able to see his film. He worked so hard on it, and I would like to support him, like he's always supported me, but in the end, all it is is the past. We lived it, and somehow we survived it all.

I don't know how I want to react when Mark brings up Mimi. It's possibly the first time we've spoken her name without the necessity of including the fact that I've got to find her. I think I'm sending Mark the wrong signals, but I can't just move on. I do need to find her. As long as I know she can make it, I know I can make it as well. I don't want to bring Mark down with me. He's always the one trying to keep me alive. All I ever do is mope around and play my guitar.

I feel the sudden urge to go sit in a dark corner and brood for a while.

And now Collins is here. It's always great when he comes, but I was hoping to spend just a little more quality time with my filmmaker. At least with him here I can't really brood. Collin's been through so much more shit than I have, and he's still able to be happy. Maybe it's because he actually had his true love. You know how the saying goes, 'it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'; well, I say it's better to have loved and kept. It hurt to see him so broken when Angel died. He's here now and he's cheering up this place for sure.

I still wish I could've spent some more quality time with Mark though. For being my roommate and all, the past few days I have barely seen him. After he got better, he's been shunning me like I'm the Black Plague; okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, and maybe it's just me. Maybe I just feel the need to be around him more often. I feel unsettled whenever he's not in my sights, or in the same room, or not beside me. At night, I toss and turn and a little part of me wishes that he's still sick and delirious so that I could just hold him one night more, one minute longer would be fine, but I don't think it will ever be enough.

_**MAUREEN**_

_Mark! Roger! Anyone help!_

_**MARK**_

_Maureen?_

_**MAUREEN**_

_It's Mimi I can't get her up the stairs_

_**ROGER**_

_No!_

_(They enter the loft.)_

_  
_

/ Roger's POV /

Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

Is nothing supposed to go right in my life?

I run to her side and pray to God that she's alright. She's barely breathing, and she looks almost blue.

I can't believe this. I finally find Mimi and she's half dead. I realize with a start that that would have been me a little over a year ago. You could tell that she hasn't stopped using. She left Benny but for what reason? I can't think of that right now. I can hear her singing the song that first got her into my life. Ironic isn't it.

"We need some heat," I yell to no one in particular. I know that Mimi needs to warm up quick. I know what it's like to live on the street and almost freeze to death.

I almost snap at Collins when he states the obvious. Of course she needs more than heat, but if it's all we have, then we should give it to her. We need to save her. We need to make sure she'll be okay. It was too hard when we lost Angel. We can't lose another person so close.

I too would've been somewhere out there in the cold of winter, huddling in the park, waiting until I could get another hit of what the man had. I would've died, if it weren't for Mark and his incessant nagging, his incessant presence. I hated him at that time. Hated him for letting me live. Hated him for letting me feel, but it was him and only him that could've pulled me through those dark times. I guess I was trying to take that role for Mimi. I wanted her to stop because I knew it would destroy her life. I know that path and where it leads.

I resolve to myself that she will not die this night. She just can't.

/ Mark's POV /

I can't believe Mimi's in such a bad state. I look to Roger and he looks devastated, and for a moment I forget that I'm worried for a sick friend and almost instantly regret the fact that we found Mimi, worse yet, that I fell in love with Roger. I'm being selfish and I know it, so I turn my attention back on Mimi. She definitely looks like she's had better days. I hope she does get better. She deserves so much more.

She looks like she's on death's door actually.

But she can't die, I realize panicking. Roger would be heart broken. He would go through another one of those episodes where he doesn't eat, go out, and barely sleeps. She can't die, for his sake, she can't die. If she dies, he'll probably go with her. They're so much alike, it's kind of scary.

I can feel myself begin to feel hysterical, so I do to next best thing I could do besides running around screaming, I stand rooted in the spot staring helplessly as Mimi looks like she could slip away any moment, and see my Roger looking just as gone.

_**MIMI**_

_I should tell you_

_I should tell you_

_**ROGER**_

_I should tell you_

_I should tell you_

_**MIMI**_

_I should tell you_

_Benny wasn't any_

_**ROGER**_

_ShhhI know_

_I should tell you why I left_

_It wasn't cause I didn't _

_**MIMI**_

_I know_

_I should tell you_

_**ROGER**_

_I should tell you_

_**MIMI** (whispering)_

_I should tell you_

_I love you_

_(MIMI fades)_

_  
_

/ Mark's POV /

I try to look away, I can't stand to watch the scene unfold before me. I can't just watch as the person I love professes his love to someone else. It's a form of torture I didn't know existed. I didn't realize God could be so cruel. I knew that the odds were against me, but still. Still I had some hope. He practically just professed that he still loves her. I don't have those odds anymore.

I didn't know Roger could be so cruel. But that's unfair. He didn't ask that I love him. He doesn't even know. I try to look away, but my eyes are just riveted on the lovers. Just like Romeo and Juliet I think to myself, how romantic I think bitterly, they can just die for one another.

I stare as I finally hear the song that Roger had to leave and come back to sing to Mimi.

/ Roger's POV /

Well, she stopped me before I could tell her. I wasn't planning on telling her I left because I stopped loving her, because I do still love her as a friend. She just jumped to a conclusion I wished she hadn't. I want to turn around and see how Mark is handling this situation because I know he doesn't handle death too well. He's seen too much and is still too innocent. I wish that I could be holding him right now, trying to protect him from the harsh reality.

Mimi's slipping, so I do the only thing that pops into my head. I'm going to sing the song I composed. The song that I found when I was away from the person I needed the most, Mark.

A part of me wishes he would leave so that he doesn't get the wrong idea, but I realize everyone's going to get the wrong idea when I sing this song. Mimi, Collins, Joanne, Maureen, and my Mark is going to think that I still love Mimi. I don't think they would understand how much I used Mimi. It's cruel but true. The least thing I can say for myself is that I didn't know I was using her, and to make it up to her, to hopefully save her life, I'm going to give up my one true love. It's inevitable, Mark will think this song is for her and I will never have another chance.

I will as hard as I can that Mark will just leave. Leave before this torture begins, but he doesn't.

I hope he listens to the words and realizes this song could never be about Mimi.

_**ROGER**_

_Your eyes_

_As we said our goodbyes_

_Can't get them out of my mind_

_And I find I can't hide_

_From your eyes_

_The ones that took me by surprise_

_The night you came into my life_

_Where there's moonlight I see your eyes_

_(Band takes over)_

_How'd I let you slip away_

_When I'm longing so to hold you_

_Now I'd die for one more day_

_'Cause there's something I should have told you_

_Yes there's something I should have told you_

_When I looked into your eyes_

_Why does distance make us wise?_

_You were the song all along_

_And before this song dies_

_I should tell you I should tell you_

_I have always loved you_

_You can see it in my eyes_

_  
_

/ Roger's POV /

I really hope Mark realizes. Realizes he was the only one I truly said good bye to. The only one I looked in the eyes because I couldn't just leave without one last connection. It wasn't

even the kind of good-bye I had wanted to say. We got into an argument and I said many things I didn't mean. Still the fact remains you were the only one I felt deserved the good-bye, the one who I had to see one last time before I left.

You said I wasn't alone. You said I had you, and that was almost enough to make me stay. Almost.

I left, and you were with me constantly. I couldn't stop seeing your eyes. The ones that you hide behind your glasses all the time. The soft hues that often show how you're feeling.

I remember the first time we met. On the streets of New York, two artists just trying to make something out of the life they were given. I was loitering outside of the Life Café and it was freezing. My band had just played and everyone else had a home to return to. I wouldn't admit it to anyone that I didn't have a place. You came out and started talking to me. I was silent for the longest time because I was lost in your eyes.

You finally had to wave your hand in front of my face to get my attention. You offered a place to stay. Your place. I said yes without even thinking. Said yes because I didn't care if you were a murderer or a rapist you didn't look it and I had already fallen too hard. So hard that I didn't even realize it. All I knew was that as long as I was around you I could say fuck you to the world.

Slowly, I realized that I couldn't be gay. I one day decided that I wouldn't be. I went out and found a girlfriend. It wasn't too hard, and as smug as I am to say it, I am good looking, and being in a band does come with perks, groupies. I couldn't be gay and I couldn't have fallen in love with someone who was becoming my best friend.

So, I made him stay just that, roommate and best friend, but never anything more. I suppressed it so much that I almost made myself believe I had only imagined liking Mark. Only imagined the fact that every time I looked into his eyes I wanted to lose myself to my instincts and take him right at that moment. Only imagined the warmth that spread throughout my body every time he showed concern, every time he put his arm around my shoulder, every time that he took care of me. It was all just my imagination.

It was until he was no longer there. That time apart was possibly harder than when I gave up drugs. Withdrawal from it was terrible, but I had Mark. Mark was my savior. Withdrawal from Mark almost killed me and no one was there to save me. I found my song and it was and always had been in Mark. Always was in the filmmaker who saved my life more times than I could count.

The filmmaker who felt as if he fit perfectly into my arms, who had so much talent to share, who has so much love that I just wish I could be on the receiving end of it. I look up toward him in the last words of my song, hoping that I could just catch his eyes. Just so that he could understand that I was singing to save her life, that I would die a hundred times over if it meant that he would stay with me.

Mark wasn't looking. He was staring at the door as if he wanted to leave. I almost moved from my spot to talk to him because he looked so lost but Mimi woke up.

I sighed, Mimi was alright. Maybe there was still some hope left for me to salvage the situation.

_**MIMI**  
I was in a tunnel. Heading for this warm,  
white light..._

_**MAUREEN**  
Oh my god!_

_**MIMI**  
And i swear Angel was there-and she looked  
GOOD! And she said, "Turn around girlfriend  
and listen to that boy's song..."_

_**COLLINS**  
She's drenched_

_  
_

/ Mark's POV /

Thank God she's okay.

The momentary relief that floods me is soon overcome with a depression I was starting to become familiar with. Roger said he loved her. He found his song and found it in Mimi.

Now that she's okay, he'll be okay.

I start to feel sick to my stomach. Start to fell the room spins of its own accord. I need to get out of this apartment, need to get away from the memories, this happiness, and get away from Roger.

_**MARK**  
There Is No Future - There Is No Past_

_**ROGER**  
Thank God This Moments Not The Last_

_**MIMI & ROGER**  
There's Only Us  
There's Only This  
Forget Regret Or Life Is Yours To Miss  
**  
ALL**  
No Other Road No Other Way  
No Day But Today_

_  
_

/ Mark's POV /

There is no more hope. There's not even this moment for me. I stumble out the door hoping that nobody sees me. Partly hoping that Roger does though, but it's better if I can get away from them all.

Mimi's giving a pretty good distraction from me and I'm able to get down the stairs and out the building before I start to realize I have no where to go and it's freezing outside. I grimace when I realize I hadn't put on my coat. The wind is biting and it's snowing again. I can't see too far ahead of me, but then again, there's nothing to see when I don't care where I'm going. Away is the only direction I need to know so I start heading there as fast as I can possibly go.

I'm already losing feeling to my hands but I know that I can't stop. I can't go back there.

Not to that happy couple.

/ Roger's POV /

I look for Mark again and hope this time that I can catch his eyes. Hope that he understands that I want nothing more than to be with him. There is only us, him and me. As long as he's with me, the rest of the world doesn't matter.

Only as I scan the room I don't even see him. I look toward his bedroom to see if the door was open, but it's not and I wonder if he went outside, but his coat was still on the table.

I was just about to get up when Mimi's hand stills me. I look down at her and know that she'll make it. She's giving me this weird look and I wait impatiently for her to say something so that I can start looking for Mark. He shouldn't have gone out without his coat. He won't make it very far.

"Angel told me to listen to your song," Mimi started. I stared at her expectantly. Every minute Mark was outside was one minute less that I could make sure he was okay. "We never said good-bye. I said good-bye, and you didn't once look into my eyes. Find him, and you better make something out of it."

I stare dumbly at her for a second. And give a silent thanks to Angel who's still looking out for us. Mimi, the last person I thought would understand the true meaning of my song, was possibly the only one. I grab my coat and Mark's from the table and race down the stairs as fast as I can.

_I Can't Control_

_My Destiny_

_I Trust My Soul_

_My Only Goal  
Is Just To Be_

_  
_

/ Roger's POV /

I look left and right and wonder which way Mark could have gone. I hope Angel is still watching, and wait for a sign to tell me which way to go. A slight gust of wind pushes me left down the street. I don't even pause and run down the street hoping to catch a glance of Mark.

It's too cold out here to be walking with a coat, much less without one.

"Mark," I scream, but I barely hear it. It seems to die into the air.

I flinch as I think of the word die. He can't. I can't go through it more than once in an hour. I can't lose him.

With that in mind I run faster.

_Without You  
The Hand Gropes  
The Ear Hears  
The Pulse Beats  
Life Goes On  
But I'm Gone  
Cause I Die  
Without You  
I Die Without You  
I Die Without You  
No Day But Today  
I Die Without You_

_  
_

/ Mark's POV /

At some point of my walking I had fallen to the floor. No one else is around so I figure it must be cold, I can no longer tell. I don't even remember falling. I can't feel, and I'm not sure whether that's good or bad because at least now I feel numb enough to forget about the pain.

I will die without Roger. I need him, but he doesn't need me.

I was always just a nag. He only came back because of Mimi. Why couldn't he have just stayed? Why wasn't I enough for him?

I sniffle and realize sadly that I'm not numb enough to ignore the pain in my heart, the sadness, longing and betrayal.

I lay my head down on the frozen concrete and wait for the end.

/ Roger's POV /

I look behind me. Maybe I had passed him and hadn't noticed. Maybe he was inside a warm building eating and perfectly fine. And maybe, just maybe I hadn't betrayed him and lost him forever.

I stop running and walk slower, it seems all my energy has been drained at the thought of losing him. I should be more energized, should be walking faster, looking harder, but what if Mark doesn't want to be found?

I close my eyes and walk forward, not really caring, hoping some car would run me over and end my misery. It's the old Roger again. The one that wanted to die.

Where was Mark? Where is my saviour?

I trip on the sidewalk falling to the floor. I lay there for a moment trying to catch my breath, and look behind me only to realize that I've tripped over a bum. I shake him to see if he's okay, and when I roll him over I gasp when I realize it's Mark. His lips are turning blue and I fumble with his coat as I try to put it on him.

"Not this again," I scream aloud to no one in particular.

"Mark, Mark" I say trying to get him up, but all I get is a moan.

I lift him up, and he's surprisingly light. He feels a lot thinner than is healthy.

I pray that Mark is going to be okay and that the loft isn't too far away.

_There's Only Now  
There's Only Here  
Give In To Love  
Or Live In Fear  
No Other Path  
No Other Way_

_No Day But Today_

_  
_

/ Mark's POV /

I try and open my eyes but it seems to be too much of an effort. My whole body feels like it's one big bruise.

It's warm though. The loft is never warm.

Did I die?

I did leave in the middle of winter without a coat on. I should be dead. No one noticed I had left. Well, I can't feel sore and be in heaven, can I?

Now I know I have to open my eyes, for all I know I could be in hell.

I open my eyes only to peer into darkness. I am however starting to feel again. Something's laying on me, I reach down and feel an arm draped across my waist. I blush when I realize it's Roger and bite my lip when he moves even closer to me.

I have this sudden urge to giggle. We're cuddling.

I almost close my eyes and return to sleep when I realize that there's something absolutely wrong with this scenario. Roger should be with Mimi and I should be on the street somewhere dead.

Roger professed his love to Mimi. They're going to get back together. I remind myself. My eyes start to tear and I ignore the pain as I start to struggle to get Roger to let go of me.

He doesn't though. If anything, Roger holds on tighter. I hold back a moan that threatens to leave me, just from feeling Roger this close.

I whimper because this is torture. This is madness. I need to get away from him. My body protests though. If anything I move closer to his warmth.

I take a moment and try to control myself.

"Let go of me Roger," I state as calmly as I can.

He doesn't answer.

I wonder if Roger really is asleep. He must think I'm someone else then.

Roger cuts off my musing with a simple reply, "No."

I want to turn around and see his expression but he won't give me enough room to turn around.

"What are you doing? What happened? Is Mimi okay?"

I need to know. Something extreme must have happened if Roger is awake and cuddling me.

"I'm keeping you warm. You almost died. Mimi is fine," Roger mumbles from behind me, "In that order."

I'm still trying to understand what's happening when Roger continues.

"You almost died, do you know that?" He doesn't wait for an answer, "I almost lost you today."

"You almost lost Mimi," I say bitterly. Moreso than I really intended it to sound.

I can feel Roger shake his head, "I never really had Mimi. I never really needed her. She understands that now. I understand it too. I need you."

I don't know what kind of confession that is, but yeah sure Roger needs me, I tell him to take his AZT. Roger seems content to lay there holding me while I think over what he's telling me, and I don't feel like telling him otherwise.

What was he trying to tell me?

/ Roger's POV /

He wasn't getting it. Either that or he was trying to find a way to let me down easily. Any moment now he's going to turn around and say, "Roger, I'm not gay. I don't like you that way."

I wait, and when he doesn't say anything I figure I have nothing to lose. Nothing to lose except my whole life ahead of me, a life I had hoped to spend with him.

"I love you."

There I said it. I can feel Mark stiffen in my arms, but I'm unwilling to let him go just yet. It feels too right and I'm only going to let him go once he tells me to my face that he doesn't love me back.

He tries to turn around, and this time I let him. He looks me in the eyes and once again I feel like I could fall forever into his eyes. Lose myself completely to him. But he could reject me. He still just staring though, until finally the only response I get from him is, "You sang your love to Mimi."

I hold him a little closer, but far enough so that we could see each other's eyes.

I kiss him softly, and lightly on his lips. He responds immediately and I take this to be a good sign.

It was a chaste kiss. The touching of lips in promise for something more for the future.

He looks expectantly at me, and it's only then that I realize he's waiting for a reason, a justification.

I respond with the only answer I can currently think of, "I never said goodbye to Mimi, never looked her in the eyes." I look at him hoping he'll finally understand.

He considers what I'm saying for a moment before giving a shy grin and repeats, "You never said goodbye."

"I said it to you."

He kisses my lightly on the lips again, his body flush against mine. It's Christmas and I finally got my wish.

There's a lot more to be explained. I know, but for the moment I'm finally holding Mark, and he loves me.

I can see it in his eyes.

* * *

A/N: This is my first Rentfic, so be kind. Don't forget to R/R (Read and Review)! 

Oh yeah, and if there are typos that's just a stupid mistake (hope it doesn't bother you too much) Yeah and the whole POV switching was starting to get on my nerves, but hey, it's there. I started losing interest in the end (I have a really short attention span), so if it digresses, my bad.

Have a nice day!


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